Will I, or Won't I?

I have decided this summer, after much agonizing, that this would be the summer that I get over the fear of showing my arms in public.   Just typing the words makes my stomach feel queasy.  For those of you who know me, THIS IS A REALLY BIG DEAL!!!!!

Prior to the start of this week, I owned 2 sleeveless things--one being my strapless wedding dress, which I don't usually wear, and one is a lightweight black sweater that I have worn on a few occasions that probably involved alcohol (aka liquid courage), and a prayer for a chilly day/evening so I could wear my Pashmina over my shoulders.

I have taken the first step....I purchased 2 neon (pink and green) running tank tops this week.

I really don't know where this tank top phobia came from.  The silly thing is, when I work out, I end up rolling up my sleeves and tucking them in to my sports bra...how does that make any sense?  I'm reasonably sure there really isn't anything wrong with my arms...except for the farmer's tan, which I know a tank top can cure.

A couple of things I don't get about germs...

If you go to a donut chain or a bakery, the workers use tissue to grab a donut for you.....but then they put the tissue in the bag with your donut.....


Ladies:  When you go in to a public bathroom, you're worried about germs, so you don't sit on the seat.  You squat.  You pee ALL OVER THE SEAT and don't wipe it up!  How does this make sense?  And then, everyone has to worry about not touching your germs.......   I have NEVER caught anything from a public toilet, and I don't enjoy cleaning up after you.   Just sit the F down.

A letter from Daisy

Dear June,

I've been meaning to write to you for a while. I've been gone almost 4 months already, and I'm still really sad. I know everyone probably thinks we're both OK and 'over it', but I know you're still sad. I know you're probably sitting at the computer crying as you read this. You did the right thing by letting me go---I wasn't well, and I knew it was hurting you to see me suffer.

I'm glad you had the strength and love in your heart to rescue two new dogs so quickly--that's the greatest tribute to my life that I could imagine. I never felt like it was a betrayal, or that I was being replaced. I know that's just not true. Thanks for keeping with the 'floral' names--Lilly and Holly are sweet names. I know their greatest faults will be that they are not me. Please try to love these dogs the way you loved me. If you can only love them half as much, they are still very lucky to have you. Please remember that they really are still puppies, and that I got in a lot of trouble one, too. I wasn't always the angel you remember ;)

I wanted to let you know something about all of the dog hair of mine that you found after I was gone, and that you continue to find. I know you found it a painful reminder, but I left it there so you would know I was thinking of YOU.

I mostly wanted to let you know that I'm OK, even though I'm sad, too. The beaches are endless, and I run as fast as I can, whenever I want. When I'm tired I take a nap in the sun, and there is always a lot of good food. Your old dogs Fiona and Nugget say hi--they miss you, too. Thanks for finding me, and for giving me a great life.

Please don't be sad--I promise you I'll wait for you. We will see each other again.

All my love,

Daisy

Goodnight sweet princess

She was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever:
I was not wrong.
...
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Goodnight sweet princess...until we meet again. You are what I think of when I imagine heaven.

Daisy
January 1, 1998 - February 7, 2011

Can we fast forward to the part where it doesn't hurt?

I'm going to ramble...beware....


Daisy is still old, that had not changed. She came back to us after her scare in July, and we are forever grateful. In the last 6 weeks or so, Daisy has taken a turn for the worse. Daisy fell down the stairs in early January, seemed ok, but after a few days started to moan. I took her to the vet, and she was given some pain meds. She seemed better, but after few days started getting sick. Again,the vet...fluids, more meds, the worst night of my life with her in pain. And then, a small change, and then another...a rally, maybe? Go Daisy. How lucky I felt to be given yet another gift of Daisy's time. But then, I notice...she doesn't seem to like to go up and down the stairs...ok, we'll carry her. She doesn't bark at the mailman anymore...or anyone for that matter. She got excited for a walk, but wouldn't really go once we were outside....she eats, now she doesn't. She is frail, and bony. She is not our Daisy. She gifted us this time so we could say our 'goodbyes'--this I know. I have stopped praying for miracles. Daisy has lived a long, wonderful life, and there are others who need miracles more. My tears are selfish, for she will not suffer anymore. I promised I would listen Daisy, and I hear you. I do.

I can't help but anticipate the hole in my heart, and in my family. Daisy was the first member of the family I assembled, and now she leaving. To have a friend for 13 years is remarkable. She never turned her back on me, made false promises, or dropped out of my life for no reason. She has always been there, and has always been happy to see me. She won over every person she ever met--the biggest score, I think, was my husband. When he first met her he didn't even want to pat her--now he is overcome. I will miss the way he holds her like a baby, and the way he talks to her, sometimes to ask 'what were you dreaming about'. I am sorry that he is going to be in pain.

I'll miss the way she would follow me from room to room---(especially when Trevor was a baby--she'd come with me for the night time feedings) nudging open the bathroom door with her snout. I'll miss the smell of her fur, and her paws, and the way she would curl up with me on the bed. I won't see her with her front paws on the chair, gazing out the front window waiting for us, or chasing a squirrel. I'll miss watching her stretch out in a sunny spot on the deck for a quick nap, the way she moans when she scratches her ear just right, the way she would jump when you get her leash out--and sometimes howl, the little tuft of hair on her head that you could stand straight up like a Mohawk, they way she would sometimes sit,stare, and drool(not whine) when you had ice cream.....so many things to miss, but so many nice things to remember.

One more day Daisy, just one more day.

The Long Goodbye

They said she died peacefully. I hope that's true. A beautiful woman that I called 'Nana' died on Saturday, November 6, 2010-- two months shy of her 89th birthday. I read her obituary in the paper, and it was one of the nicest I've ever seen. It was long--almost a full column--yet, it was so short. How does one go about summarizing a life in 500 words or less?

Nana was one of the only people in my life who wrote letters. Real, hand-written, on paper letters. It was such a treat to get them growing up, and even more special as an adult--she would write to me about what was going on in her life, and tell me about the things I used to do when I was a kid. At Christmas, or on birthdays, she would send a card or letter with a check--usually for $5.00 (so cute!--she did this even when I was in college!) To answer my earlier question, I have no idea how to summarize such a wonderful, special, full life. Instead, to my Nana...one last letter:

Dear Nana:

The last 7 years or so, Alzheimer's claimed your ability to remember your wonderful life. I want you to know that we visited you in the nursing home, and I always secretly hoped that somewhere, way down deep, you knew we were there. I hope you remember that last hug and kiss I gave you at Gregg's wedding, I sure do. I cried that night, as I feared that would be the last time you would remember me. Anyway, wherever you are now, I hope you get to see your all of your loves--your two husbands that you outlived, and your later-in-life suitor. I'm guessing you are still quite the catch. I hope you get to see your parents, too.

(Nana was a painter back in the day--she painted fruit, flowers, etc. on slate of all shapes and sizes and sold many of them at craft shows)

Did you know that I loved to watch you paint, and that I envied your talent? I still have a slate painting of yours hanging by my back door that says 'Welcome'. I asked you for a slate painting many years ago--I think when I was in high school. I was so nervous to ask, I even asked mom first to see if she thought it was OK. I knew even then that someday all the paintings would be gone. I knew I needed one. As a kid, I loved to go in to your basement and see all of the paintings on various sized pieces of slate, all tied to a nail with ribbons. I wish I had thought to take a picture of that gallery.

Did you ever know that I also love to do the crossword puzzles and play scrabble? I remember many a day when you and 'pop-pop' would be trying to complete a crossword, and I remember many, many scrabble games played at your house. My brother in-law Arun is a master Scrabble player--I think you would have loved to play him. I don't think I'll ever beat him!

Mom told me you used to be an amazing cake decorator--something I too, love. I'm currently taking classes to learn how to decorate and make flowers. I just made Blythe a cake for her 8th birthday--it was pretty great, and she was soooo happy. I think it would have been pretty neat for us to decorate a cake together! Also, I just found out that you used to make amazing cream puffs---I don't think I've ever made a cream puff before, but I will.


Thank you for being such a great step mother to my mother. She never felt like you loved her any differently than you did your own kids, and thank you for loving your grandchildren equally as well. You would be thrilled to know about all of your great-grandchildren. You were lucky enough to meet at least one of them, and you cried the first time you saw 6 week old Blythe. I cried, too. It was a really touching moment. I'm sad that you never even knew about Trevor--you would really get a kick out of him. Thank you also for being one of the few people who never, ever made me feel fat. Enough said about that.

Staying at your house when I was a kid was really fun. I used to love to walk or ride you bike around the neighborhood, or go out back to the wooden swing that hung from a giant tree. Your house always smelled exactly the same--I can't describe it, but I loved it. Toys were always in the same spot--my favorite was a board game called 'Uncle Wiggly'. I just found this board game in the "Vermont Country Store" catalog, and I'm going to order it for Trevor, for Christmas..Thank you for giving me 'Alice in Wonderland' and 'Through the Looking Glass'. I remember reading them at your house, and I have read a few chapters of 'Alice' to Trevor already.

Nana, here are a few more things about you that just make me smile: You used the word 'oleo' instead of butter, which I never hear anyone use, but luckily for me, it's an answer to crossword clues frequently! (Coincidence????hmm...) I really like the fact that you're also the only person I've ever known who used the phrase 'toodle-oo'-- maybe I'll start testing it out. I loved that when you didn't believe something someone said, or if you might be starting to get angry (which by the way, I think I only ever saw you angry once, when I broke a lamp at your house), you would just wave your hand, and give a sort of 'pssht'. It's hard to describe, but you know what I mean. You always had really neat hands--very strong and bony--yet soft and delicate at the same time. I will always remember the way my hands felt in yours. I remember sometimes before we would go out that you would wash and then set your hair in curlers, and sit under the dryer. These things will always make me smile.



Did mom ever tell you how much Erik and I loved your Christmas gifts? Maybe it's because she would always let us open the gift from you on Christmas Eve. It was always such a special treat. I think it's definitely a tradition I will carry on with Trevor. I'm sure he'll love it.

Nana, I'm glad you had such a great life, and that I got to be a part of it. I know you knew I loved you, I just want you to know what a great influence you have been on all of us. We all turned out okay.

Toodle-oo my dear.....

Sorry, I meant to write....

Wow, I can't believe that much time has passed since I've made an entry. Thank you to my faithful fan who has been nudging me....If only someone could invent a device to suck all of this stuff out of my brain while I'm doing something else, there would be post after post, after post..some of it not suitable for children, no doubt.

Anyway, here is what has been taking up my time since my last post:

Training, fundraising, and completing the Komen 3-Day walk.

Training: Walking 9 miles seemed like such a big deal at the time...and it was. And then, the mileage started to increase, and we would actually look forward to the days when we were walking 'just 9 or 10'. The training days were pretty much lost days--having to start planning weekends around walks--well, suffice it to say that not much else happened. I never knew if I'd be too tired or blistered to do much, so therefore, I didn't do much....except laundry, yard work, taking care of Trevor, work, errands, and a million other things....

The walk: walking 60 miles is a REALLY big deal. You may be glad to know that I never once saw the inside of a 'sweep van', though at points it looked like they were ready to snatch me in against my will. My body felt OK during the walk, but what nearly brought me down were blisters. I had a few on my heels during training (I believe someone said 'your feet will end up looking like the end of some crusty french bread'), but during the walk itself...yikes. French bread...pretty much. Is there such a thing as a 'grandchild' blister? That would be a blister inside a blister, inside another...OK, so that's gross, enough about that. I'll write more about the actual walk in another post.....

Fundraising: the other day, I was told I was a 'brilliant' fundraiser. Who knew? My most effective means of fundraising were 1. threaten to pan handle on the streets of Arlington 2. Keep a running tally on my page showing the number getting smaller...(I really only posted that because I had nothing clever to write in my status). I think my final tally (I am still waiting for a check from a bagel place in Arlington that shall not be named to deposit my fundraising money) before the walk was $2471.00.

Spending time with the family

My brother, his wife (One of my bff's), and my two lovely nieces moved to VA from Florida in September! When they left Maryland to move first to Georgia, my older niece was just a baby...my heart was broken! I think they were gone almost 8 years...so, I'm smothering those two cutie pies with love and affection as much as possible.

Also, mom visited, and another BFF from Florida came for a few days. Many thanks to her (BFF, not mom) for introducing me to the Irish Car Bomb (a drink, not a real bomb).

Last but not least, there is some little kid following me around, constantly saying 'mama'. He takes A LOT of my time, but he sure is cute, so it's worth it.

Planning my high school reunion

Planning from afar, finding 100 people, dealing with suggestions/complaints from aforementioned 100 people. Enough said.

An unhealthy obsession

I have developed a borderline unhealthy obsession with Georgetown Cupcake. Gautam, Trevor and I went there a few weeks ago, and there was no line, so I went in (on weekends the line is out the door, and down the block). And paid $16.50 for 6 cupcakes. I don't like to buy in to the 'hype' (this shop is featured on TLC's 'DC Cupcakes'), but they really the best things I have ever eaten. I can't get the cookies and cream cupcake out of my mind. I haven't tried the maple cupcake yet, but I know it's only a matter of time.

I look at their website every day, and try to win the trivia contest every day on Facebook. (If you win, you get a dozen cupcakes shipped to you. ) Winning is nearly impossible--as soon as the trivia question posts, there are immediately about 64 responses.

I have considered applying for a job there, but I would probably be fired after the first hour, as I'm sure I would be passed out in the backroom, with telltale frosting smeared all over my face.

My saving grace is that GC is in Georgetown, which I try to avoid. Parking is nearly impossible (or very expensive). I have considered parking in Rosslyn and walking over the Key Bridge....I have also considered driving the extra miles to Bethesda--just for the parking. There is always delivery......

THIS JUST IN: As I was yet again stalking the GC Facebook page, they announced that they are hiring.....it must be fate...I know what I have to do.