Driving Etiquette for the DC metro area (and beyond?)

First of all, let me start by saying that I'm not Wonder Woman, and therefore do not use an invisible plane (or car!) as my primary means of transportation. My car is black, and although the same color as the pavement, it's not camouflage--in fact, it's rather easy to see. That said, please don't pull out in front of me when I'm *this* close to you. Also, it seems that some of you can't see my car in parking lots--that would explain all the dings I have in it from your car doors ramming in to the sides. Also, if you can't parallel park by now, you shouldn't move here. BOTH rear bumpers are smudged with white paint from what I guess would be people trying to parallel park. I didn't learn how to parallel park in driver's ed, but I did somehow learn to do it growing up in Franklin County, where there is really never any need to to so.

It's against the law to use your phone in DC (without hands-free devices)in the car, and against the law to text in VA...seriously, stop it---we can see you doing it--you're not hiding it by having the phone on your lap---plus the fact that you're not paying attention and driving really slow is a dead giveaway. As an aside, if you're using blue-tooth or any other hands-free while not in the car, you look like an idiot. No one is that important.

Aaahh, the direction signal (or indicator, blinker, depending on where you are from). Such a simple gadget. This handy feature comes standard on ALL cars for a reason--if you don't know, it's a little stick looking thingy--usually attached to the steering wheel---it's the thingy that doesn't clean your window. How appreciative I would be if you told me your intentions to turn or switch lanes by using this handy gadget. This reminds me---you CAN'T SWITCH LANES IN TRAFFIC JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO!! YOU DO HAVE TO LOOK AND SEE IF A CAR IS COMING (SUCH AS MINE!).

The courtesy wave: If you need to get in to my lane at the last minute, or when traffic is tight, and you are using your signal, I will almost always let you in. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE give me a little wave--it means so much. I find it also seems to absolve you when you do something really dumb, too. (While driving, of course--in regular life you would just look silly). My only exception to this might be if you are a hot male (or female, to be fair) in a military uniform--then, cut in at will.

Please don't cut me off when there is no one else coming! Wait that extra second and go behind me. Another thing I hate is when you are behind someone who is waiting to make a left turn, and all the people behind you pull out of the lane before you to go around--not nice. Even worse is when they pull out and go around, only to make the next left turn! These are times when I wish my car shot nails.

It may come as a surprise to many of you, but all of the exits on 270, 66, 395,and the Beltway are now LABELED!!! And, what is really great is that sometimes there is a sign that will tell you that the exit is 'coming up in 1 mile'! Therefore, does it really make sense to cross 4 lanes of traffic and cut in at the last minute? Even a courtesy wave from a hottie in uniform can't save you on this one.

If you are driving a car with vanity plates, with a name of a business on the side, or a sign that says 'How's my driving?..call 1-800-etc..' don't be a douche bag.

There are ways to drive with purpose without driving aggressively. Riding my bumper in any circumstance is not going to make me go any faster. This also applies to drivers in Massachusetts. (which reminds me...did you ever notice when driving on 91 that sometimes when you go to pass people, they will speed up and try to race you?).

For the love of God, stop waiting for 'close' parking spaces--especially in parking garages. You are holding up about 20 cars behind you. The irony is that I bet you are the same people who can't wait 5 seconds for the walk signal at a crosswalk.

Your hazard lights are for.........HAZARDS! They are not to tell someone you'll 'be back in just a minute so it's OK to park in the fire zone, handicapped spot, double park, etc'. Find a spot, get out, and walk.

**I almost forgot....when a traffic light turns red, it's not just a suggestion!! STOP!!!

Vehicle maintenance and repair--when to take your car in for repair:

If your car has a window made of tape and plastic
If you are driving on more than one spare tire
If you have a bungy cord holding the door shut
If it produces visible clouds of dark smoke
If you have to tape a sign to the rear window that says 'brake light not working'
If the high pitched squeal your car makes shatters glass and frightens small children
If you happened to park near an exploding manhole cover in Georgetown.....


Happy driving, everyone!